How Crying Works to Calm Mind and Body

Nearly everyone feels better after having what we call a good cry. These feelings of relief are not made-up. Not only can a good cry spell relieve you emotionally, it brings sense of stillness and renewal to your senses. Tears because of exposure to environmental irritants such as fumes, smog, raw onions, and pollens are lubricants to our eyes. These kinds of tears happen instinctively to protect the eye from potentially harmful vapors.

Research Psychologists wrote that tears are not only stress-buster. They also soothe the mind, and heal the body. While almost all of us shed emotional tears between 7 to 47 times annually, we are not familiar with what goes on when we shed tears.

Tears associated with emotion have high levels of protein, manganese, potassium, and hormones, including Prolactin. Prolactin is a hormone involve in stress, the immune system and other body functions. The tears are not simply water in content. It is part Manganese and part Potassium, which are both essential nutrients. Because unalleviated stress can increase our risk for heart attack and damage certain areas of our brain, the human ability to cry has survival value. In support of this theory, some research shows that skin sensitivity increases during and after crying, and that breathing deepens.

Crying is a distress signal and a means to restore psychological and physiological balance. The author of 'Crying: The Mystery of Tears’ says that it is no accident that crying has survived evolutionary pressures. Humans are the only animals to evolve this ability to shed tears in response to emotional stress, and it is likely that crying survived the pressures of natural selection because it has some survival value.'

Protein content is far higher in emotional tears than in tears due external factors. In other words, we cry-and need to cry-in order to rid our body of hormones that can be toxic to our emotional and physical well-being. Excess stress hormones take a toll on immunity, weight gain, and mood. Crying is just one of the nervous system's ways of reducing our reactions to grief and ache, miseries and loss, even intense joy.

Thus, it is important to cry to let go of feelings from good news, pangs of grief, intense joy, or recovery from a frightening event. You will be amazed to find how crying works to calm mind and body. It is the best medicine to release pressure.

I have discovered, through countless tears and heavy stones of shame carried awkwardly in my pockets, that it is important to release the pain and retain the memory. The memory of the pain helps us reach out in empathy, understanding, and love to those who struggle now where we once walked.

However, lengthen crying from depression often indicates a serious brain condition that might benefit from a doctor's visit.

As a rule, the next time you feel like crying, let it flow. Stress is terrible for the health of your brain, heart and other organs. Crying is natural, healthy, and curative. Crying is not a sign of weakness-in fact it is the opposite. Smart adults know the benefits of a good cry. Therefore, do not wait until your sadness becomes a depressive disorder."

Visually toss all your cares into the water and watch them disappear. Give thanks to the pain, the lessons learned and how crying works to calm mind and body.

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Jarring the Kaleidoscope

When you look through a kaleidoscope, you see colored objects with varying colors and patterns.  A rotation of the tube tumbles the colored objects creating a new design and wonderfully mesmerizing  shifting, animated patterns swirling through detailed 3D shapes arranged in symmetrical patterns.  What you see is easy on the eyes and soothing to the mind until you see it from a different angle, and you realize that maybe you do not like the pattern after all.

 

If our lives are like kaleidoscopes, many of us spend a great deal of time and energy attempting to create the perfect picture of color and shapes as we like them.  Then we want to set the resultant work of art in a place of honor, never to be moved again.  This is it.  Now we finally got it right.  Then, suddenly, crash! bang!  Life has a habit of bumping into our carefully constructed masterpiece, jarring it into a totally different image.

For years, Laura had struggled with her belief that it was her job to “fix” any crisis or difficult circumstance that came up in her family and at work.  With a great deal of psychological savvy, Laura courageously became aware of her need to control situations in a futile attempt to keep her kaleidoscope in the pattern she thought best.

Little by little, Laura began to release her need for control, accept what she would not change, and increase her peace of mind.  She was proud of her new kaleidoscope pattern and was enjoying it immensely when breast cancer jarred her life.  After first raging and resisting the cancer, Laura came to believe that the stress induced by her old need to control and correct all situations had so depressed her immune system that cancer was the result.  But Laura is a fast learner, and she has now not only licked cancer but has truly given up another big C word: Control.  Laura now consistently accepts and trusts the varying kaleidoscope patterns in her life and, most important, realizes that she is not responsible for everyone else’s patterns.  Awareness was her first, and most important, step toward her healing. 

Are there areas in your life where you need to let go of control and allow your kaleidoscope fragments the freedom to dance to their own tune?  Do you realize that there is always a redeeming quality for an awful thing or a bad behavior?   Do you know that you can never be in control of everyone and anything? 

Accept and enjoy life in its beauty and imperfection. Be happy, healthy and hopeful.  View life as a kaleidoscope of overlapping motives, interests and perceptions that shifts every time you adjust your point of view.  Your reference scale is going to constantly change.  No matter how big your panoramic view of what is happening, you never are equipped to make a judgment call  because there is always that piece you do not know that could change your entire opinion. So your viewpoint into the character constantly shifts, and it's a factor of your consciousness and your awareness.

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Hanging By A Moment

Ever heard people say "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?"

There are times that failure is unavoidable, and descending into the grief of loss is, initially, a plunge into emotional hell. What follows are fear and panic, shock and denial, anger and depression. We fly in and around the fire of disappointment like frantic moths hanging by a moment.

Flying toward the flame

They were a young couple. He is 17 and she is 15. They had known each other for a year and were thinking of marriage. However, because of many problems, they were unable to do so.

One Sunday afternoon, they climbed the fire escape to the roof of a twelve story structure. Facing each other, they held hands, then they stepped off the edge, and fell to the concrete below.

When asked why they did it, the mother of the boy said, "They were too young to know that if you just keep hanging by a moment, your troubles, whatever they are, will pass."

Of course, I do not believe that all problems will pass with time. However, the mother have a point to think that most problems pass with time. It is not that problems simply disappear, it is just that with time we, somehow, manage to work them out.

Hanging by a moment is a big issue. One of the main reasons for suicide is the failure to progress from disturbing emotions. Difficulties and obstacles have ways of wearing us down. The resistance that arises and blocks our path creates stress and tension that tires even the strongest. Thus, there is a need to have a strong character and a gutsy personality to continue hanging by a moment against the pressure over an extended period of time.

However, this ability to continue on and not turn back is a condition for succcess in conquering problems. Withdrawal is a shortcut or quickie solution. Something difficult needs lots of time and sustained effort. To overcome them, it will be necessary to fight the good fight.

It takes a certain degree of maturity to understand this. It calls for a level of understanding that many persons have not yet reached. This is making connections, which is the result of awareness of what reality is all about.

People who flies where they can extricate themselves from the struggle, later on, turns to frustration and become like animals in the desert--hopeless and confused.

The truth, there is a way out.

Hanging By A Moment does not mean to sit and bear the pain. It means making every conceivable effort to find a way out. Most people "wait for someone to feel me" and take that away from me.

Image via Wikipedia

Hanging By A Moment means to bear whatever the suffering is at the moment, while being content exerting all that remains to work out the problem.

It is to be tough in handling pain and pressure, from which we also get to boot in the sense of restarting a new life. It is working solutions while praying.

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Remember:

1Sam 12:16........Stand and see this great thing which the Lord will do before your eyes. Luke 18:27.........The things which are impossible with men are possible with God. Num 23:19.........God is not a man, that He should lie. Has He said, and will He not do it? Jas 1:4..............But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

Climbing The Colorado Peaks

I lived in Colorado for two years, just an hour drive from the Rocky Mountain National Park.

Being in the presence of those majestic towering peaks, peaceful valleys, and pristine alpine lakes always puts me in a state of awed gratitude. Gratitude for both the beauty and the ruggedness-the grandeur of the massive mountains, the delicate, vulnerable beauty of the wild flowers, and the raw splendor of uninhabitable stretches of frozen tundra.

Our lives are similar to this impressive landscape. We all experience peaks of excitement and exhilaration, valleys of assimilation and rest, and chilling wasteland of depression and despair.

Climbing out of the pits and up the peaks is one of our main occupations as human beings. Our objective, our trust, is overall progression. For often, to reach a peak, we need to take a circuitous route that can include doubling back and losing ground. At such times, you have to keep asking, "Am I moving forward and upward?", a helpful self-awareness exercise.

Quietly close your eyes and visualize where you are in your life today. Are you climbing a difficult slope toward the top of a peak? Or are you camped in a verdant valley? Or are you struggling in a seemingly bottomless pit?

Allow yourself to be wherever you are. You are doing just fine, right now. Then, very gently, invite into your presence a supportive and encouraging Being who wants to assist you. If you are content where you are, continue to relax and enjoy the peaceful presence of your loving guide. If you would like to move out of the spot you are in, ask the Being if it will help you make the change. Agree to your Being's help and follow its guidance only if you feel totally nurtured and accepted by it.

Life is a series of ups and downs, and it is our responsibility to comfort and protect ourselves during this inevitable process. We have what it takes to become peak-conscious rather than pit-bound.

Lastly, learn to honor and accept life with all its peaks and valleys. Variety is sometimes awesome. Trust yourself even if you are in the bottomless pit. Have confidence in your abilities to cope creatively with challenges.

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Reframe Family Pictures

Almost all us have moments in our past when we felt loved and supported. Remembering those good times facilitates healing and bolsters our belief in our own loveability.

However, if we are suffering of guilt over how we have been parenting our children, it is especially important that we accentuate our functional behavior in order to build on it. In learning to lovingly re-parent ourselves, it is a good idea to look at the family album we carry inside our heads.

Some of the snapshots will evoke happy memories and warm fuzzy feelings while others may seem more like potshots aimed hurtfully at us. A great many of our internal images were developed when we were young and had child's less-than-powerful perspective. As adults, we now have the authority to reframe painful memories much the same way we might change the frames of pictures displayed on the piano.

Give yourself some time to mentally browse through the photos you have accumulated from your past. Choose one or two that seem to call attention. Very gently become the child you see there. Even more gently ask what the child wants and needs from you.

Are you willing to fulfill the wish? If you feel loving and protective of the child, allow your adult self to comfort in the ways the child requests. But, if you do not feel good toward the child, you can bring into your mind's eye a protector who does feel love for the child. Allow this individual to care for the child.

With the help of either your adult self or the protector you call in to assist, redevelop the uncomfortable snapshot into a picture in which the child is safe and happy. Sense the feeling of that life from that viewpoint. Then absorb and claim those feelings as rightfully yours. Now, put your new memory in a picture, in a beautiful, valuable frame and display it in a prominent place.

There will be times in your life you find yourself reverting to the distressful feelings of the original picture. Move your thoughts to the new one, stay there, concentrate and remind yourself that as as an empowered adult, you can reframe your child's painful experience. We get so used to seeing these framed pictures that we eventually just accept them as reality. But if we remember they’re really framed pictures, we understand that we can reframe them any time we choose and in so doing open up a whole new way of seeing the world. We suddenly see something we’ve been looking at forever in an entirely new light.

Accentuating the functional encourages us to trust ourselves. It give us a surplus of strength we can draw on for support when we need to look at dysfunctions in our life. It aids healing process and bolsters faith for the best.

Prayer:

Lord, heal my aching heart
Give rest to my spinning mind
Keep peace in my difficult soul
Ease my pain and bind my wound
Amen.

Pampering Sarah Is Permissible

When I ask women, who seem drained, what they do to pamper themselves, many of them respond uncomprehendingly, as though I have just spoken in a foreign language.

To most of us, pampering brings to mind diapers or what we do for others. The idea of indulging ourselves is an alien concept. If it does occur, we avoid the idea because it smacks of being spoiled or selfish. After all, we've been taught to be givers rather than receivers.

Sarah, a colleague, is a workaholic and married to a man who is still a little boy in terms of accepting responsibility at home. By the time she agreed to counseling, Sarah was, in her terms, "a raving, ranting bitch." According to her, the bitchiness came from her anger at being the only adult in the family shouldering career, housework, and childcare. In the process of attempting to change her husband, Sarah had totally neglected herself and her emotional safety net was virtually nonexistent. Her nerves were frayed to the breaking point and she was lashing out in frustration.

Her family and friends encouraged her to stop working so hard, instead, to start taking care of herself and to learn to believe that she is worth pampering. It was very difficult for Sarah to let go and step into such change. With no other option, she began by allowing herself one hour a week in the luxury of a body spa. Eventually, she realized that the pampering made her more confident, rested and happy. Following that, she cared for herself in small ways, such as saying no when she feels like it, and in interesting ways, like saving money for a travel to Thailand.

Her husband and children adapted quickly. They have accepted Sarah's need to take care of her. Consequently, they agreed to take responsibility for her other chores. Sarah is now happier and healthier.

Like Sarah, Sarah Palin is a woman, and hails from a blue-collar background. In her speech to the Republican convention, Palin pointedly described her family as working-class, saying her husband was "a lifelong commercial fisherman... a production operator in the oil fields of Alaska's North Slope... a proud member of the United Steel Workers' Union." Like other women, she is required to pay attention to varied and unexpected occurrences. Thus, it is possible that the demands of the current political campaign exceed her energy, and that the $150,000 expenditure on clothing and make-up of Gov. Sarah Palin must be her way of pampering herself - coping creatively with the demands and difficulties of America's massively huge 2008 Presidential Campaign.

Weave a pampering pattern into your safety net. Make a list of ways in which you would like to pamper you, and then, start with small steps. Have the courage! Indulge! You are worthy of receiving as well as giving. Pampering and taking care of you is a healthy thing to do. You'll be better with it!

Who Remembers The Powerline "A Kinder, Gentler Nation"

Long before George Bush began talking about a kinder, gentler nation, my personal stationery carried the reflection, "Live gently with yourself and others. People regularly respond to that thought by saying something like, "I wish I could live more gently!"

When George (H.W.) Bush ran for president he said he wanted "a kinder, gentler" nation. He said he would be the "education president" and the "environmental president." But, with respect to Iran, North Korea, and the Arab-Israeli conflict, the Bush administration foreign policy is in something of a shambles.

One way for us to learn the art of gentleness is to keep the word gentle or gently in our awareness. Gentle, along with its synonyms kind, considerate, patient, and tender, is easily lost in the hubpages of our demanding days. In the course of our normal schedules, the concept of gentleness rarely occurs to us.

As I was retraining myself to live gently, I put a business card size reading "gently" in my wallet, on the fridge, on my desk , in my journal and anywhere for as long as it is my space. Thus, each time I saw the word, I was reminded that there was a different, a supportive and comforting way for me to treat myself and others. Now, when I tune into negative self-talk or judgemental feelings toward myself or someone else, I eventually remember to ask, "Is this gentle?" Often, just that little nudge helps me move from a prickly to a soft place within myself.

Choose an evening when you can have some meditative time for yourself and allow your mind to roam back over the day or week. Were there times when you would like to have acted more gently on your keywords or adopted a more gentle attitude? If so, replay those scenes as though you were already in the habit of walking gently in your world. Soak in the feelings you receive from making that change in your actions, communication, and responses.

Right now, we can make the commitment to being more gentle in lifestyle and content. Living gently creates an aura of peace in or lives-a down comforter of support for ourselves and those with whom we are in relationships.

The Value of Networking

Humans have always known the importance of networking with others. The earliest road systems developed from paths and trails and appeared with the invention of wheeled vehicles around 3000BC facilitated trade, provided ways on which people, animals, or wheeled vehicles move, integrated people and businesses.

Since we travel the career path as well as the family path, like our forefathers, we recognize the value of networking. We go to meetings and join clubs for the express purpose of meeting people who can assist us and vice-versa. But if you join social communities without a clear strategy for maximizing their value, you may end up as a wall-flower, merely watching other people network and wondering why you gave up the time in the first place.

Kathleen, a relative, was so sick of her job that she woke every Monday morning with a severe headache. Sometimes, she burst into tears at the sound of the alarm. However, even with messages as strong as these, she continued to work, literally dragging herself to work. When I asked her why, she said she believed there is no other job for her and she would never find any job superior than her present so she better stay put. She said that a voice in her head would constantly tell her she is darn lucky to have this work. In addition, deeply buried in her was a barely audible voice persistenly whispering all her failures in life.

Close your eyes, and visualize your physical, emotional, and mental selves. They can appear in any form or you may merely sense them. If you are feeling chaotic, they may appear confused, swirling out of control. After you sense these three aspects of yourself, envision your Higher Self - the spiritual part - above the other three. Softly say, "gather together . . . together . . . be together". As you repeat the words up to nine times, picture them uniting under and into your spiritual self.

Courageously, Kathleen began to greet these inner strangers. She found that many of the should and have to they spoke echoed her life as a young, single mother having to work to support herself and her child. But, there was this voice she became acquainted with, a tiny little girl who believed she does not deserve happiness. Kathleen made a commitment to comfort that little person who said she is a failure.


Continue to meditate, visualize and make the effort to search for the causes behind the negative voices. Forgive and understand your selves until you begin to feel a sense of calm instead of the chaos. Even though this exercise may seem simplistic, it speaks powerfully to our subconscious mind and allows us to gather our energies, naturally harmonizing our feelings.


Kathleen's self esteem expanded as her internal voices became confident. Before she could successfully network socially, she had to network with her selves. Although the confrontations were painful, it opened her eyes to acceptance, humility, and responsibility. After a while, her negative voices that have been persistently pestering became discouraged and they disappeared altogether.

Prayer:

Help me God
To give up excusing for my failures
To take responsibility for my actions
To replace chaos with calm
To have harmony and balance
To love and accept all what I am today
Amen.

Swimming in the Great Salt Lake

Once, on the way home from California, friends and I drove through Salt Lake City. Remembering the strange experience of swimming in the Great Salt Lake long time ago, we decided to stop and try it again.

"Girls, I sink like a rock every time I try to float!" Anita, the tallest among us, answered. "You won't here," I promised her. And of course she did not because the Great Salt Lake assists even the most leaden among us to float effortlessly.

In life, a big help in establishing a safety net is finding buoyant emotional waters that can support us when we feel in danger of drowning. In addition, it is essential that we create an atmosphere around us that helps us stay on top of the water rather than thrash and struggle through it. But, how do we do this?

Choose to be around people who are up-lifters, rather than like weights around our necks. This is very crucial in establishing an environment that helps keep us afloat. Up-lift people accept us as we are and are truly interested in us. They are kind and do not put us down or demean us in any way. In their presence, we feel good.

Of course, it is essential that our internal voices are up-lifters, too. Is your glass half-empty or half-full? How you answer this age-old question about positive thinking may reflect your outlook on life, your attitude toward yourself, and whether you're optimistic or pessimistic. We must always speak to ourselves in supportive and encouraging ways because even surrounded by the most buoyant people, if we speak to ourselves in concrete-shoe way, we will sink.

Our voice is one ever-present voice in our life. Therefore, it is crucial that our self-talk instill confidence within us. It must be supportive, not submerging to help keep our spirits afloat. Positive thinking together with acceptance and trust of our own selves makes us the most effective, and influential buoy.

Low self-esteem can negatively affect virtually every part of your life, including your relationships, your job and your health. But you can raise your self-esteem to a healthy level, even if you're an adult who's been harboring a negative self-image since childhood.

Changing the way you think about yourself and your life is essential to boosting self-esteem. These five steps toward healthy self-esteem are based on cognitive behavior therapy principles. As you go through these five steps, jotting down your thoughts, experiences and observations in a journal or daily record may help you use these steps more effectively.

Step 1: Identify troubling conditions or situations

Think about what conditions or situations about your life you find troubling and that seem to deflate your self-esteem. You may wish to change aspects of your personality or behavior, such as a fear of giving a business presentation, frequently becoming angry or always expecting the worst.

Step 2: Become aware of beliefs and thoughts

Once you've identified troubling conditions or situations, pay attention to your thoughts related to them. This includes your self-talk — what you tell yourself — as well as your interpretation of what a situation means and your beliefs about yourself, other people and events.

Step 3: Pinpoint negative or inaccurate thinking

Your beliefs and thoughts about a condition or situation affect your reaction to it. Negative thoughts and beliefs about something or someone can trigger unhealthy physical, emotional and behavioral responses, including physical responses such as a stiff neck, sore back, racing heart, stomach problems, sweating or change in sleeping patterns.

Step 4: Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking

These kinds of thought patterns tend to erode self-esteem. Your initial thoughts may not be the only possible way to view a situation. These long-held thoughts and beliefs feel normal and factual to you, but many are simply opinions or perceptions. Ask yourself whether your view of a situation is consistent with facts and logic or whether there might be other explanations.

Step 5: Change your thoughts and beliefs

The final step is to replace the negative or inaccurate thinking you've identified with accurate thoughts and beliefs. This can enable you to find constructive ways to cope and give your self-esteem a boost. These strategies may help you approach situations in a healthy way:

* Use hopeful statements. Be kind and encouraging to yourself. Pessimism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, if you think your presentation isn't going to go well, you may indeed stumble through it. Try telling yourself things such as, "Even though it's tough, I can handle this situation."

* Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They are isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake but that doesn't make me a bad person."

* Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these words, you may be setting unreasonable demands on yourself — or others. Removing these words from your self-talk can give you and others more realistic expectations.

* Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Ask yourself, "What other things have gone well recently?" "What personal skills do I have that have helped me cope with challenging situations in the past?"

* Relabel upsetting thoughts. Having negative thoughts doesn't mean you must choose to react negatively. Instead, think of them as signals to use new, healthy thinking patterns. Ask yourself, "Which of my strengths can help me respond in a constructive way?" "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"

* Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. Treat yourself as well as you'd treat a loved one. Tell yourself, "I did a good job on the presentation. It may not have been perfect, but my colleagues said it was good."


With practice, these steps may come more easily to you. You'll be better able to recognize the thoughts and beliefs that are contributing to your low self-esteem. Because self-esteem can fluctuate over time, you may want to revisit these steps, especially if you begin to feel down on yourself again. Keeping a journal or daily log can help you track trouble spots over time.

Positive thinking brings inner peace, success, improved relationships, better health, happiness and satisfaction. It also helps the daily affairs of life move more smoothly, and makes life look bright and promising.

Pray:

God, please buoy up my spirit
Cleanse me of negative thoughts
Surround me with love, support and care
Teach me to be hopeful and understanding
Help me create an environment in which it is
possible for me to float
I trust that in Your hands,
I will be more than what I desire to be
Amen.

I Remember My Trip Up The Coast Of California And Oregon

On a trip up the coast of California and Oregon, I learned a valuable lesson about mutual support from the majestic Redwood trees thriving there.

The coast redwood grows in the mountains and valleys along the central and northern California coast. The climactic conditions of wet winters and foggy summers support the redwood's need for water. The tallest coast redwoods grow to a height of 300 to 350 feet. Their trunks can measure 25 across. But what may actually be more amazing than how big the redwoods are or how tall they stand is how long they stand and the fact that, despite their large, wind_catching limbs and their very shallow roots, they stand firm against the strongest storms and the wildest wind.

I see Redwoods as inclusive beings. As they grow they incorporate into their basic structure objects around them, including rocks and other trees. Although Redwoods have shallow roots they are noted for their strength and longevity because they share their roots with others.

Each individual tree is invited into the whole to help support the group. This nature's strategy appears to have worked for redwoods are among the oldest living things on earth.

Human energy is naturally inclusive and in order to survive and thrive, we need to learn to consciously share our roots with others. Humans must learn to ask for support when they need it, and stand ready to give the same to those who come to ask.

Eve, a close friend, is a single mother. She have been struggling with the idea of returning to graduate school. For months she kept this desire to herself for fear of appearing immature and needy. But when she finally opened her heart to several friends who had gone back to school, she was encouraged and supported by them. They included her in their root system. As a result, Eve gained a clearer view of her next step. Because of her courage to ask for help, she put an end to her confusion and found a support group that understood her circumstances.

In the process of creating support systems, we need to be sure that those with whom we choose to share our feelings can be trusted. The best way to ascertain the trustworthiness of others is by monitoring your feelings as you talk to them. If you feel understood, you have found a grove of like-minded Redwoods.

By sharing our roots of compassion and support, like the Redwoods in California , we create a safety net in which the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Their secret is simple: Redwoods grow together in groves and intertwine their shallow roots. Thus, the roots of one tree in the grove are the roots of all the trees, interlaced underground and able to hold each tree upright no matter what kind of gale goes on above.

Let us learn how the Redwoods grow together and stand together, appreciating and intertwining their roots, staying in parallel harmony with each other and remaining perpendicular to the ground.

Prayer:

Father, let me have the courage to ask for support

when I need it.

In return, let me always be willing to support others

when they need it.

Amen.

TEARS FOR FEAR

Is there a bully in your life? A big bulk who loves to make you cry? Beside this person you feel very tiny but very angry.

We often allow ourselves to be deeply wounded by the actions of people around us. Sometimes, we even feel guilty and irrationally think that it is our fault if people treat us badly.

For years Fiona was at the mercy of her husband's temper. She was terrified by his outbursts. Faced with his fury, she would appease him, suppressing her own feelings in the hopes that he would calm down. Her husband did and said things that wounded her deeply.

Finally, cautiously she began to work on setting limits in their relationship. She talked to therapist and went to life coaching meetings to help her have the courage to break the destructive pattern she was in with her husband.

On the eve of their travel to Hawaii, her husband blew up again and said they were not going. Calmly, she continued to pack for the trip. With sadness but without anger, she told him she was sorry he felt as he did. Calmly, she said that she is emotionally devastated because she had been looking forward to having their second honeymoon. But, whatever it takes, she was going to tour Hawaii without him.

Getting to that point took tremendous courage for Fiona. She disallowed tears, faced her fears and triumphed. Her husband apologized for his outbursts and they had a wonderful second honeymoon.

Do not be afraid of the bully in your life. Stand up against this person not with anger but with kindness. However, if you are constantly grieving, in tears or in pain, it may take more time for that bit of courage to surface.

These courageous acts can be very simple. Think that we are not to blame for the actions of others, and that we do not need to be their target. We can train ourselves to always remember that we are not responsible for what anyone else does or says. We do not need to fix anyone else's attitude or circumstances, even if people insist on projecting their unfinished business unto us.


Prayer:

Thank you Jesus for blessing me
With friends of all kinds
Some may make my life heavier
But they make my heart braver

Some days when I am in tears
For fear of anger at me
Help me remember that
I have the courage
To move and act even when
I am afraid

Amen.

A RIDE ON A BRAHMAN BULL

We all face situations in which we feel powerless and afraid. A long time ago, a close friend was terrified to face an upcoming child custody hearing. She felt intimidated by the legal system, the lawyers, and her ex-husband. I asked her what it would take for her to feel safe and strong in the court room.

"Nothing short of riding in on a Brahman bull!" she answered jokingly. It was a great idea, straight out of her inner wisdom.

We thought it would help to work with the image. So, she created the scenario of herself galloping into the court on a huge, snorting bull that threatened to gore anyone who tried to frighten her.

Her day in court was a success because each time she felt, even a bit, scared she visualized herself astride her bull. With the help of her amusing but effective mental imagery she felt strong and capable. As a result she was treated as if she were powerful, someone not to be easily dismissed or manipulated.

The story illustrates that we are all strong as we imagine ourselves to be. When we act as if we are strong, we move towards becoming the powerful person we desire to be.

Many years back, I lost my company due to Forex fallout because of the economic crisis in Asia. With clenched fists on hips I bragged 'I am brave'. But even the bravest of the brave gets scared sometimes. Life after that was of lightning and thunder. The sun never appeared because I was constantly with fear.

Having the courage to see ourselves as strong, capable, and wise to do what we want helps us make it so. But we need not to do it alone. We can move creatively through our fears by accepting support and guidance from the unseen helper.

"Did you know that God controls the rain, the lightning, and the thunder? He gives the rain to help living things grow. Have you ever gone out for a long walk, run, or bike ride on a gorgeous summer day and been caught in a torrential cloudburst? Bad enough to be caught in the rain, but cloudbursts can leave you drenched to the bone. But have you ever watched the approach of a thunderstorm darken the sky and then been surprised at how bright the day became after the heaviest downpour?"

When you feel powerless, and afraid ask God to be with with you. Pray then ride on your Brahman bull.

Prayer:

God, make me strong and capable,
Fill me with hope and confidence,
Help me erase my fear,
Be with me, stay right here,
Amen.

Dear Readers

In the many years that I had in the company of all kinds of people, from all walks of life, my unwavering faith in courage and hope has been underscored countless times. I have been privileged to walk with people who are healing from losses, as well as those struggling from health challenges and dark nights of the soul.

Together we held hands, bared our hearts, emptied our despairs, and journeyed through the fires of hell to the mountaintop of light and joy. In addition to overcoming difficulties, we had the courage to let daffodils bloom in our hearts, the wisdom to believe on miracles, the ability to create homes of joy and laughter and the love to rejuvenate one's self. Realistically, we're damn good!

This site will share articles to help you discover just how special you are. . . to your family . . . to God. By focusing on one article per day - as soon as you wake up in the morning or before you go to bed at night - you will learn so many things - about how special you are. In addition, each article will come with a prayer. As days go by, you will find that your faith in yourself and in God will grow . . . grow . . . and grow. This will be your important meal to treat your depression.