Pampering Sarah Is Permissible

When I ask women, who seem drained, what they do to pamper themselves, many of them respond uncomprehendingly, as though I have just spoken in a foreign language.

To most of us, pampering brings to mind diapers or what we do for others. The idea of indulging ourselves is an alien concept. If it does occur, we avoid the idea because it smacks of being spoiled or selfish. After all, we've been taught to be givers rather than receivers.

Sarah, a colleague, is a workaholic and married to a man who is still a little boy in terms of accepting responsibility at home. By the time she agreed to counseling, Sarah was, in her terms, "a raving, ranting bitch." According to her, the bitchiness came from her anger at being the only adult in the family shouldering career, housework, and childcare. In the process of attempting to change her husband, Sarah had totally neglected herself and her emotional safety net was virtually nonexistent. Her nerves were frayed to the breaking point and she was lashing out in frustration.

Her family and friends encouraged her to stop working so hard, instead, to start taking care of herself and to learn to believe that she is worth pampering. It was very difficult for Sarah to let go and step into such change. With no other option, she began by allowing herself one hour a week in the luxury of a body spa. Eventually, she realized that the pampering made her more confident, rested and happy. Following that, she cared for herself in small ways, such as saying no when she feels like it, and in interesting ways, like saving money for a travel to Thailand.

Her husband and children adapted quickly. They have accepted Sarah's need to take care of her. Consequently, they agreed to take responsibility for her other chores. Sarah is now happier and healthier.

Like Sarah, Sarah Palin is a woman, and hails from a blue-collar background. In her speech to the Republican convention, Palin pointedly described her family as working-class, saying her husband was "a lifelong commercial fisherman... a production operator in the oil fields of Alaska's North Slope... a proud member of the United Steel Workers' Union." Like other women, she is required to pay attention to varied and unexpected occurrences. Thus, it is possible that the demands of the current political campaign exceed her energy, and that the $150,000 expenditure on clothing and make-up of Gov. Sarah Palin must be her way of pampering herself - coping creatively with the demands and difficulties of America's massively huge 2008 Presidential Campaign.

Weave a pampering pattern into your safety net. Make a list of ways in which you would like to pamper you, and then, start with small steps. Have the courage! Indulge! You are worthy of receiving as well as giving. Pampering and taking care of you is a healthy thing to do. You'll be better with it!

Who Remembers The Powerline "A Kinder, Gentler Nation"

Long before George Bush began talking about a kinder, gentler nation, my personal stationery carried the reflection, "Live gently with yourself and others. People regularly respond to that thought by saying something like, "I wish I could live more gently!"

When George (H.W.) Bush ran for president he said he wanted "a kinder, gentler" nation. He said he would be the "education president" and the "environmental president." But, with respect to Iran, North Korea, and the Arab-Israeli conflict, the Bush administration foreign policy is in something of a shambles.

One way for us to learn the art of gentleness is to keep the word gentle or gently in our awareness. Gentle, along with its synonyms kind, considerate, patient, and tender, is easily lost in the hubpages of our demanding days. In the course of our normal schedules, the concept of gentleness rarely occurs to us.

As I was retraining myself to live gently, I put a business card size reading "gently" in my wallet, on the fridge, on my desk , in my journal and anywhere for as long as it is my space. Thus, each time I saw the word, I was reminded that there was a different, a supportive and comforting way for me to treat myself and others. Now, when I tune into negative self-talk or judgemental feelings toward myself or someone else, I eventually remember to ask, "Is this gentle?" Often, just that little nudge helps me move from a prickly to a soft place within myself.

Choose an evening when you can have some meditative time for yourself and allow your mind to roam back over the day or week. Were there times when you would like to have acted more gently on your keywords or adopted a more gentle attitude? If so, replay those scenes as though you were already in the habit of walking gently in your world. Soak in the feelings you receive from making that change in your actions, communication, and responses.

Right now, we can make the commitment to being more gentle in lifestyle and content. Living gently creates an aura of peace in or lives-a down comforter of support for ourselves and those with whom we are in relationships.

I Remember My Trip Up The Coast Of California And Oregon

On a trip up the coast of California and Oregon, I learned a valuable lesson about mutual support from the majestic Redwood trees thriving there.

The coast redwood grows in the mountains and valleys along the central and northern California coast. The climactic conditions of wet winters and foggy summers support the redwood's need for water. The tallest coast redwoods grow to a height of 300 to 350 feet. Their trunks can measure 25 across. But what may actually be more amazing than how big the redwoods are or how tall they stand is how long they stand and the fact that, despite their large, wind_catching limbs and their very shallow roots, they stand firm against the strongest storms and the wildest wind.

I see Redwoods as inclusive beings. As they grow they incorporate into their basic structure objects around them, including rocks and other trees. Although Redwoods have shallow roots they are noted for their strength and longevity because they share their roots with others.

Each individual tree is invited into the whole to help support the group. This nature's strategy appears to have worked for redwoods are among the oldest living things on earth.

Human energy is naturally inclusive and in order to survive and thrive, we need to learn to consciously share our roots with others. Humans must learn to ask for support when they need it, and stand ready to give the same to those who come to ask.

Eve, a close friend, is a single mother. She have been struggling with the idea of returning to graduate school. For months she kept this desire to herself for fear of appearing immature and needy. But when she finally opened her heart to several friends who had gone back to school, she was encouraged and supported by them. They included her in their root system. As a result, Eve gained a clearer view of her next step. Because of her courage to ask for help, she put an end to her confusion and found a support group that understood her circumstances.

In the process of creating support systems, we need to be sure that those with whom we choose to share our feelings can be trusted. The best way to ascertain the trustworthiness of others is by monitoring your feelings as you talk to them. If you feel understood, you have found a grove of like-minded Redwoods.

By sharing our roots of compassion and support, like the Redwoods in California , we create a safety net in which the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Their secret is simple: Redwoods grow together in groves and intertwine their shallow roots. Thus, the roots of one tree in the grove are the roots of all the trees, interlaced underground and able to hold each tree upright no matter what kind of gale goes on above.

Let us learn how the Redwoods grow together and stand together, appreciating and intertwining their roots, staying in parallel harmony with each other and remaining perpendicular to the ground.

Prayer:

Father, let me have the courage to ask for support

when I need it.

In return, let me always be willing to support others

when they need it.

Amen.

TEARS FOR FEAR

Is there a bully in your life? A big bulk who loves to make you cry? Beside this person you feel very tiny but very angry.

We often allow ourselves to be deeply wounded by the actions of people around us. Sometimes, we even feel guilty and irrationally think that it is our fault if people treat us badly.

For years Fiona was at the mercy of her husband's temper. She was terrified by his outbursts. Faced with his fury, she would appease him, suppressing her own feelings in the hopes that he would calm down. Her husband did and said things that wounded her deeply.

Finally, cautiously she began to work on setting limits in their relationship. She talked to therapist and went to life coaching meetings to help her have the courage to break the destructive pattern she was in with her husband.

On the eve of their travel to Hawaii, her husband blew up again and said they were not going. Calmly, she continued to pack for the trip. With sadness but without anger, she told him she was sorry he felt as he did. Calmly, she said that she is emotionally devastated because she had been looking forward to having their second honeymoon. But, whatever it takes, she was going to tour Hawaii without him.

Getting to that point took tremendous courage for Fiona. She disallowed tears, faced her fears and triumphed. Her husband apologized for his outbursts and they had a wonderful second honeymoon.

Do not be afraid of the bully in your life. Stand up against this person not with anger but with kindness. However, if you are constantly grieving, in tears or in pain, it may take more time for that bit of courage to surface.

These courageous acts can be very simple. Think that we are not to blame for the actions of others, and that we do not need to be their target. We can train ourselves to always remember that we are not responsible for what anyone else does or says. We do not need to fix anyone else's attitude or circumstances, even if people insist on projecting their unfinished business unto us.


Prayer:

Thank you Jesus for blessing me
With friends of all kinds
Some may make my life heavier
But they make my heart braver

Some days when I am in tears
For fear of anger at me
Help me remember that
I have the courage
To move and act even when
I am afraid

Amen.

A RIDE ON A BRAHMAN BULL

We all face situations in which we feel powerless and afraid. A long time ago, a close friend was terrified to face an upcoming child custody hearing. She felt intimidated by the legal system, the lawyers, and her ex-husband. I asked her what it would take for her to feel safe and strong in the court room.

"Nothing short of riding in on a Brahman bull!" she answered jokingly. It was a great idea, straight out of her inner wisdom.

We thought it would help to work with the image. So, she created the scenario of herself galloping into the court on a huge, snorting bull that threatened to gore anyone who tried to frighten her.

Her day in court was a success because each time she felt, even a bit, scared she visualized herself astride her bull. With the help of her amusing but effective mental imagery she felt strong and capable. As a result she was treated as if she were powerful, someone not to be easily dismissed or manipulated.

The story illustrates that we are all strong as we imagine ourselves to be. When we act as if we are strong, we move towards becoming the powerful person we desire to be.

Many years back, I lost my company due to Forex fallout because of the economic crisis in Asia. With clenched fists on hips I bragged 'I am brave'. But even the bravest of the brave gets scared sometimes. Life after that was of lightning and thunder. The sun never appeared because I was constantly with fear.

Having the courage to see ourselves as strong, capable, and wise to do what we want helps us make it so. But we need not to do it alone. We can move creatively through our fears by accepting support and guidance from the unseen helper.

"Did you know that God controls the rain, the lightning, and the thunder? He gives the rain to help living things grow. Have you ever gone out for a long walk, run, or bike ride on a gorgeous summer day and been caught in a torrential cloudburst? Bad enough to be caught in the rain, but cloudbursts can leave you drenched to the bone. But have you ever watched the approach of a thunderstorm darken the sky and then been surprised at how bright the day became after the heaviest downpour?"

When you feel powerless, and afraid ask God to be with with you. Pray then ride on your Brahman bull.

Prayer:

God, make me strong and capable,
Fill me with hope and confidence,
Help me erase my fear,
Be with me, stay right here,
Amen.

Dear Readers

In the many years that I had in the company of all kinds of people, from all walks of life, my unwavering faith in courage and hope has been underscored countless times. I have been privileged to walk with people who are healing from losses, as well as those struggling from health challenges and dark nights of the soul.

Together we held hands, bared our hearts, emptied our despairs, and journeyed through the fires of hell to the mountaintop of light and joy. In addition to overcoming difficulties, we had the courage to let daffodils bloom in our hearts, the wisdom to believe on miracles, the ability to create homes of joy and laughter and the love to rejuvenate one's self. Realistically, we're damn good!

This site will share articles to help you discover just how special you are. . . to your family . . . to God. By focusing on one article per day - as soon as you wake up in the morning or before you go to bed at night - you will learn so many things - about how special you are. In addition, each article will come with a prayer. As days go by, you will find that your faith in yourself and in God will grow . . . grow . . . and grow. This will be your important meal to treat your depression.